Facing the Fire

I had planned on writing about something else for this blog, but when the universe is trying hard to tell you something, I have found it best to stop, listen, and decipher what it is trying to say.

This week was certainly one for the record books for me. One figurative and literal fire after another. I could choose to throw my hands up, sit and wallow...many people would, and many people would excuse me for doing so...but that is not how I like to roll. I choose to see the beauty in the smoke and ashes. I choose to heed whatever lesson is being shown to me and apply it to my future.

This week I was hit hard by the decline of my mother-in-law’s health and her eventual passing. Along with her passing came deep rooted family drama. During a time that I simply wanted to have a moment to just be sad, I was racked with anxiety and frustration over the inevitable battle that too often comes with family members passing.

Everyone in my life who truly knows me knows I am a caregiver. I am the one people turn to with their troubles. I like being an anchor for my loved ones, but it comes at a cost. A cost that I have paid too heavily in the past...and it is something I am constantly working on to keep balance and harmony in my life.

Along with navigating the deep loss of my mother-in-law, this week I have been immersed in other figurative fires - being a listening ear to a loved one as their marriage falls apart, as well as being a resource to dear friends as their family lives go through serious and deep changes.

As I am helping people I care about navigate their life challenges, amid my own deep grief, the universe decides to put not one, not two, but THREE literal fires in my path! I kid you not. I ended up moonlighting as a fire fighter this week. My world was not just figuratively burning...it was literally burning.

How terrifying fires can be! They say one of the worst ways to die is by fire. Fire destroys everything in its path. It is all-consuming. Most living things run from fire...and here I am running to the fires!

Rather than panicking, I chose to research and reflect. What is the universe telling me?

Yes, fire means destruction. It means loss. It means terrible things in one’ s life. Bummer, right? I certainly faced loss and watched loved ones’ lives crumble this week, but do you know what fire also means? It means purification! It represents a cleansing process! Fire burns away the old and the ashes provide a fertile base for new growth and transformation.

I choose to believe the fire that has consumed my life this past week is a healing and cleansing sign. I have been stuck in an agonizing limbo since August died...and if I am being completely truthful, I have been stuck much longer than that. I have been afraid to move forward and afraid to let go. I have dreams and goals I want to pursue, but I have been too paralyzed to move. I am choosing to believe that the fires from this past week are the universe burning away the unnecessary things in my life that are causing me to stay stuck. These fires are releasing me from the things that are draining me and they are also giving me the motivation, the proverbial “lighting a fire under my ass,” to embrace my new beginning.

Amid the burning flames of my week, I experienced moments of beauty. My son found something he had been searching for. He has been wanting something of his own to raise. He found it in the most precious little kitten, who was the runt of a feral litter and knocking on death’s door. That little kitten has brought joy and laughter into our household this week. It brought new life into our home in the moments we were dealing with death. It has warmed my heart watching my boy take responsibility for this vulnerable and precious little soul.

Another moment of beauty amid the flames was a lovely dinner with two mamas I have been building a friendship with. I was late for our date because of one of the real fires. I was helping fight this fire in my cute little spring dress, all dolled up for our ladies’ night. Getting soaked down from a hose and smelling like smoke, I had to shower and change before meeting them. They excused my tardiness with love and laughter. They also helped me translate the message the universe is ever so boldly sending me.

Yet another beautiful thing I am thankful for this week is the family we have built through my son’s dojo, which has now become my dojo too. The day my mother-in-law was dying, and I was trapped in a grieving headspace, I had the dojo where I could tap out of my mind for a bit and allow my body to work and move through my emotions. Having such an outlet is invaluable and very necessary.

I also got to finish this crazy fire-tornado of a week going with the dojo’s performance team to Washington DC and watching my son perform with his team at a large festival in front of our nation’s Capital. How amazing it was to watch my boy. He has been experiencing the same grief and hardships I have faced this week and despite this, my little dude practiced his heart out all week long and had the courage to get up in front of our nation’s Capital and perform! I am awe-struck and inspired by this amazing human I am raising.

I am appreciative for this fiery week, for the grief and hardships, but also for all the beauty hidden among the flames. I am blessed by the flames as they serve as a reminder to release the things I am carrying that no longer serve me. I am excited for the scorched ground and the opportunity for renewal - building and deepening the relationships in my world that are worthy of my time and my attention. I am thankful for the flames.

How are you going to choose to view the next fire that enters your world?

Sometimes the fire is not your enemy. It is where you find your strength.